Off to the Day Job in about half an hour, so I need to make this brief.
Late last year, just after the election and possibly in a somewhat altered state of consciousness, I purchased the domain name inaugurate2017.com . Go and look at it now. It’s counting down to something. And you best believe that something is not a man laying a hand he pretends to have grabbed pussy with on a book he’s never read and swearing an oath he has no intent to uphold. It’s a little something I’ve prepared. My own little gesture to inaugurate not just the Chump Presidency but this year itself and, by extension, all the years that follow. I recommend you watch that, instead of the inaugural. I mean, if nothing else, at least I actually wrote my piece, and didn’t just sit at a desk doing a bad James Bond impression while thinking about watersports.
In a way, though, as happy as I’d be for you to watch my offering -and it will stay up online until a certaine significaunt daye if you simply must see Pissboy sworn in – I’d be even happier if you made your own. That’s the point of this project, you see. It isn’t just a protest against Trump, or even one against his organ grinder, Putin: it’s a gesture of defiance to the whole bloody lot of them. It’s a declaration to the archetypal Organ Grinder that us smart shaved monkeys are going to dance to our own tune from now on, thank you very much.
This project is called Inaugurate 2017 (hashtag fairly obviously #Inaugurate2017) because what I’m saying is that it’s WE, THE PEOPLE who inaugurate this year – not some billionaire manbaby in an expensive yet still somehow cheap-looking suit; not a former city trader posing, pint aloft, or Jacob Rees-Mogg’s dominatrix nanny fantasy brought to unholy life, not even the weird ex-KGB also-ran who slimed his way into the Kremlin and stuck there by getting his tits out. US.
Last year we were told we could take back control by doing what the people who are Jonesing to control us told us. They lied. But they lit a fire they can’t tamp down. And this year, it is we who will take back control.
Why? Because I felt like it. Screw the President. Inaugurate your 2017.