It’s kind of amazing to me that, a month into America being ruled by a puppet installed by an alliance of Russian spies and actual Nazis, people are still acting like the Clintons were the real masters of the dark arts in the 2016 election. The cognitive dissonance involved is astonishing. If you actually look at how the Democrats campaigned it’s clear that HRC, far from being a master manipulator, actually screwed up severely. The Dems neglected key battleground states, they underestimated Hillary’s toxicity, their infosec was clearly inadequate and their messaging was terrible. You don’t have to be a Trumpet to see that it’s insulting to tell people America is ‘already great’ when people are moonlighting from their Uber gigs as Deliveroo drivers (and supplementing their weed-dealing cash by selling their panties) to pay off their college debts.
If anything, conspiratologists ought to be looking into the idea that Clinton, for some unknown reason, threw the election. I mean, neither of the Clintons is politically naive. Admittedly Hillary had the disadvantage of being female – clearly one step beyond the pale in the land of supposed equality – but even then, she could surely have done better. The 1992 Clinton campaign would have walked it. And yeah, they’re older now, but surely if anything that should make them more experienced?
But of course they aren’t. I guess a President who partied with paedophiles, got down with gangsters and benefited from Russian hacking and the collusion of the Director of the FBI isn’t corrupt in the same way that it’s never a false flag if the attacker’s Muslim, right?
Don’t take this for me saying the Clintons are cleaner than clean, by the way. It’s pretty clear they never met a dollar they didn’t like, and it sometimes seems as if Bill Clinton has had sex with every woman alive – in fact, I’m not entirely sure he didn’t have sex with me back in the nineties. God knows, we were exposed to so many intimate details about which side Bill dressed on and how he liked storing cigars during his impeachment that we may as well have fucked the guy. But as corrupt as Slick Willie was, at least he wasn’t so far in hock with the Russian oligarchy that he had to phone Putin for permission to take a shit. So why all the Clinton hate?
It’s not because of the quality of the evidence against them, that’s for certain, which was so overblown as to verge on hysterical. Bill and Hillary didn’t kill Vince Foster. The Branch Davidians weren’t fearless defenders of constitutional liberty, they were a creepy child-abusing cult, and police tanks aren’t kitted with flamethrowers. Of the major terrorist attacks carried out on Clinton’s watch, three were from right-wing, anti-government extremists and one was carried out by Islamists. Which group, by the way, Clinton handled perfectly effectively without needing to suspend all civil liberties, thank you very much, and in fact one of the last acts of the outgoing Clinton administration was to officially inform the shaved ape Clinton was replaced with that Osama bin Laden was planning an attack on the US.
I tell you, when the Rethuglicans finally got hold of Monica Lewinsky’s dress it’s a wonder they didn’t spoodge all over the damn thing. That – a jizz-stained dress – was their smoking gun.
I think there’s another factor at work too, though, and I think that factor is that Bill Clinton had the misfortune to be POTUS when The X-Files was all the rage. If Bush Sr had won the 1992 election, then conspiratoids would have trained their cockeyed lenses on the Bush family instead of Bill and Hillary.